"If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Hard" by Sheri Dew

Books, like friends, serve a variety of purposes.  Some we find amusing, while other are helpful.  The best books, like best friends, inspire us to do better and to be of benefit to others.   Occasionally we encounter one whose influence profoundly effects us; changing our opinion and the ways we perceive the world, or others, or ourselves.  In my opinion "If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't Be Hard" by Sheri Dew belongs among a select group of friends who empower me in my desire and efforts to improve and hopefully change for the better.

The book's premise that this life was not intended to be a cake walk and that "an opposition in all things" is an absolutely necessity to not only classify good and evil, but to bring about righteousness (2 Nephi 2:11), certainly is not new as most books dealing with adversity try to explain this concept.  But what I find powerful and unique about this book is how it:

1.  Affirms the absolute necessity of trials and heartaches as prerequisites to growth and superior blessings.
2. Illustrates how forgiveness is mandatory to rid ourselves of excess baggage.  (Isn't it ironic how we think of forgiveness as a gift we give to someone else, when it actually has more to do with the quality of life that we chose for ourselves?)
3. Points out how uncharitable we are in our judgments.
4. Clarifies that charity is not just an emotion (something we feel) or action (something we do), but rather who the Savior is; and when we pray for charity we are not just asking to change our behavior, but rather our very nature and who we are.
5. Sounds the alarm for the destructive attacks on families due to violations of the law of chastity.
6. Empowers women through living the law of chastity.  (I will never view the law of chastity the same because of the power of this book!)
7. Stresses that we can and should diligently seek after the gifts of the spirit that we, like Nephi, may be "highly favored of the Lord".

I find concept  #4 above regarding the gift of charity to be transformational.  No doubt this is an idea others understand well and I am just a slow learner.  Even though I previously had read this book somehow I did not understand the impact of this concept.  I personally have a tendency to concentrate on trying to change my behaviors and what I am doing in an effort to be a better person, or at least not the same slob I have always been.  In Chapter 4, entitled "It is Possible to Change, Really Change" Sheri Dew quotes the following from "Mere Christianity" by C. S. Lewis to make the point that it is our nature that must be changed:

As we begin to mature spiritually, we begin to notice, besides our particular sinful acts, our sinfulness; we begin to be alarmed not only about what we do, but about what we are.  This may sound rather difficult, so I will try to make it clear from my own case.  When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity.  I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed.  And the excuse that immediately springs to mind is that the provocation [against me] was so sudden and unexpected: I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself.  Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts; they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated.  On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is?  Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth. . . .

If there were rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly.   But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding.  In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man:  it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. . . . And if (as I said before) what we are matters even more than what we do - if, indeed, what we do matters chiefly as evidence of what we are - then it follows that the change which I most need to undergo is a change that my own direct, voluntary efforts cannot bring about . . . . I cannot, by direct, moral effort, give myself new motives.  After the first few steps in the Christian life we realize that everything which really needs to be done in our souls can be done only by God."

Realizing there are rats in my cellar, I take great courage and comfort in knowing as Sheri Dew wrote that , "charity is a healing, transforming balm - bestowed by the Father, applied by the Holy Ghost, to true followers of the Son - that will change our very nature as it purifies us."

I would encourage anyone who may sense there is a varmint or two in their character that they would like to extinguish to consider befriending this book.  It provides (like best friends do) real hope and substantive encouragement that "It is Possible to Change, Really Change."

Impressions and Recommendation of "My Parents Married on a Dare" by Carlfred Broderick

Carlfred Broderick is one of my favorite Mormon authors because he is remarkably humorous while at the same time being very insightful and poignant.  His patriarchal blessing (which he received at the tender age of 9) states that he would write literature that would bless others.  Well as they say - I am a great believer in prophecies that come true.  The essays compiled in "My Parents Married on a Dare" certainly are a fulfillment of the patriarch's words; blessing my life and many others.

The second chapter, "The Core of My Faith" deals with how he has approached and resolved the contradictions that occur between his faith and his scholarship; including issues such as Blacks and the priesthood, evolution, and homosexuality.  No doubt there will always be contradictions in this life where we are to walk by faith and prove ourselves.  Broderick's methodology helps one stay safely on the strait and narrow path while not ignoring troubling questions.  While he values both faith and scholarship, he concludes with "I never forget that when the Savior greets me at the veil, it will not be my scholarship that will be examined." 

Part II of the book entitled "Some Incidental Observations on Mormon Marriages" should be required reading for any member of the church who is married or even considering marriage.  I have often considered the pursuit of a happy marriage to actually be the quest for the Holy Grail of life.  As a leader in the field of marriage and family counseling/education Carlfred Broderick provides incredible insight in his four short articles based on research and years of experience working in the field.  It is not often that you get such good and concise answers to questions such as, "But what if your husband is a jerk?" and "How come good people can have bad marriages?"

Broderick saves the best for last.  The final three chapters deal with "The familial relationships of Jesus", "What justification can there be for innocent children being born into abusive families?", and "The uses of adversity."  If you have heartache because of family members, Broderick provides consolation and good reasons why the Savior understands because of His own family experience.  How often do you get an opportunity to experience an expert in family counseling talking about the familial relationships of Jesus? 

Abuse and pain of any kind are just hard to understand.  I have been deeply touched by the reasons and explanation that is provided in the last two articles.  They can change your perspective and the respect you will have for people (including yourself) who have to endure such.

I love Broderick's humor like this example, "It goes without saying that all of that religious precocity made me an obnoxious child, the bane of every Sunday School teacher.   Once when I was ten, I was sent home for explaining to the class what 'Thou shalt not commit adultery' really meant.  It had seemed clear to me from her explanation that our teacher did not quite understand the concept."  My recommendation of this book, however, is not based on the incredible wit but rather on how it deals with and answers some of the hard aspects and questions of life.  Mortality was not intended to be a cake walk and we all get beat up and wounded while on this battlefield.  It is reassuring to know that there is a purpose and good can come out of this.  This book helps provide that.  I have extra copies and will be happy to lend a copy (since it is out of print) if anyone is interested.