Our Arranged Marriage

Why do people today have such an aversion to arranged marriages and think they are so outdated and medieval?  I feel that Kristie and I have done quite nicely with ours.  And it's not like we come from families with a long held and proud tradition of arranged marriages.  Well, at least not other than my mother's great grandparents, Samuel and Emma Adams who seemed very happy with theirs.  

Samuel and Emma were early converts to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) in England.  This is how their marriage was arranged as written by Eleanor Hall in her 1970 history of their lives.  

After jumping his apprenticeship, great grandfather Adams was anxious to emigrate to America.  Leaving an apprenticeship without finishing the term was a serious offense in England, and now he was on the list of the 'wanted'.  He gathered with the 'Saints' at Liverpool and let it be known that he was a candidate for the first perpetual emigration ship that arrangements could be made for him to sail on. 

Among the members of the Branch at Liverpool, and also awaiting emigration opportunity, was the beautiful and proud Emma Jackson, from Milnthrope, Westmoreland, England.  Samuel was in the office of the president of the Branch and receiving the information that an emigrant ship was near ready to leave the port.  He was told that his chances would be better for gaining passage if he was a married man.  He was asked if he was attracted to any of the branch members.  He told of his infatuation for Emma Jackson.

The president said, "She always passes here on her way home from work.  She should be coming by in a few minutes, you can ask her now."  When Emma showed up a few minutes later, she was called into the office by the president.  A proposal was made, a marriage performed, and the young couple took berth on the ship Ellen Maria that night.  It was February 5, 1852.

There are some similarities, but numerous differences for how Kristie and I were setup by forces other than our own.  To my knowledge I wasn't on any 'wanted' lists nor was I trying to emigrate, so ours was more along the lines of your traditional arranged marriage.  I had just returned to BYU to complete my senior year of college and received a telephone call that I was scheduled for an interview with the Bishop of my BYU Ward the following night.  Mind you, this is a man I had never met before.

Upon arriving for my appointment, Bishop Nance invited me into his office and introduced me to one Kristie Neilson, from Rupert, Minidoka, Idaho, and extended the call to us to be the "parents" of a BYU family home evening group, with the responsibility to provide leadership for approximately 20 college age students who were to meet together for family prayers and a weekly family home evening activities.  In typical Mormon fashion we accepted this calling, the following Sunday we were publicly sustain in Sacrament meeting, and we began serving as parents.

 

Because there is a lay ministry every good member of the LDS Church knows how callings and  their inevitable releases are made.  This is done publicly, over the podium in Sacrament meeting by what we call common consent so members have the opportunity to approve or not when individuals receive a calling, and so everyone is made aware and can show appreciate when they are released.  There is no expectation that someone will serve in a church callings until they "die with their boots on" as they say; with the possible exception of an Apostle or possibly a patriarch.

What is important to understand and so unusual about our callings was what happened (or maybe it would be more accurate to say what didn't happen) at the end of the school year.  They never released Kristie and me from being family parents.  Think about that.  What would you do?  We took our callings very seriously and realized that not being released could be a problem.  Fortunately, our church also believes in and performs eternal marriages.  Just to make certain everything was copacetic with both God and man, Kristie and I applied for and availed ourselves of this ordinance.  We expect to fulfill our calling as arranged by Bishop Nance to the best of our ability even after we die with our boots on.